My son’s heart was broken when he was 17, that was the absolutely hardest month of MY life. Although he was devastated and recovered, I on the other hand realized that I could not fix everything in his world anymore and was utterly helpless . I was fortunate enough to be the one he turned to when his world turned upside down. My heart was broken for him, but I was blessed.
I wish you could see him as a four-year-old boy on the playground last week. Maybe you would change your mind. He was playing with a couple of new school friends, a boy and girl. They’ve discovered a broken tree covered in colourful ribbons. It was lying on the ground across from the sandbox right by the school fence. They were fully engaged in the game, tying and untying the ribbons, treating what they were doing with the seriousness children reserve only for games.
Then I notice the tilt of the head and the furrowed brow. Chin and voice are raised an octave as he says “umm…” I am the number one world leading expert on his body language and I know exactly what this means. It’s a classical “I’m going to ask for something and I’ll be as polite as possible, because it’s very important that everyone loves me…
I have been struggling or the last year or so with this empty nest thing. I was not one of those mothers who lived through their children. I truly loved the experience of raising my son. I had him very late in life , so I was so ready for a child. He , by the grace of god, is a calm and cautious child and so I was blessed. He lacks self confidence on may levels but is superb in others a direct inheritance from me. He is now attending college in a city about 3 hours away and is having the time of his life. He is the drummer in a band , inserting shameless plug here “Out Go The Lights” from Orlando, Florida. I am trilled at the possibilities for him.
Me , on the other hand, is wondering what the heck do I do now?? I don’t feel totally worthless, I still get the phone calls for advise or to share a great story, or the occasionally “Could you help me out Mom?’ financially . I still feel a big part of his life, but I just feel lacking somehow.
I recently decided to try to pay more attention to my health. I have become more active, striving to run a 5K race soon. I have been adventuring, going places I haven’t been. But I still feel “empty”. What should I do now??
I am really hoping that statement is true. Truth is I DON’T FEEL 60 in my mind. My body occasionally reminds that I am not 30, but most of the time… I strive to stay current and listen to the young voices around me. Music and trending styles which unfortunately I would look ridiculous in, but never the less, I really hope that I don’t appear odd or weird. I guess I don’t really care but I would not want to embarrass my family. I have decided to try to run, RUN, a 5 K race. That is adventure #2.
Well as you will soon know, this is my first attempt at blogging. I am sitting here thinking, well should I try to be witty, or deep or mystical . I don’t think that I can pull off any of those. So I have decided that I will probably be “Random”. That seems to be the new word of the day. ” He just randomly choose me”, ” I had this random idea”, “We just went to this random club downtown.” I think it is taking the place of “whatever” or ” I know, Right?” Anyway here goes.
I will first tell you that I have a 19 year old son, soon to be 20, that is my world. He is in school 180 miles away from me and has this life going, I miss him terribly so a lot of my randoms will be probably be about him. I am his proud mother . He is in his sophomore year at a community college. I am very glad that he has the opportunity to go to school. I worked very hard to make that happen for him. He is also the drummer of an Indie band called “Out Go The Lights”. Please check them out on Facebook, this is a shameless plug :). He was born in Tallahassee, and he is playing his first out of town gig at FSU, that’s pretty exciting!
Now that my son is old enough to be gone and out of the house I spend a lot of time trying to entertain myself. For the past 18 years my life has been making sure all of his needs were met. Now that he is doing that himself for the most part , me kicking in the cashola and him doing the tending to. I find myself bored. So I am going to start looking for new and different things to experience. Adventures. This blog is will be about those and other “random” things .
Adventure number 1. October 19, 2013 Zombiecon , Fort Myers, Florida
This is a street party fashioned after the TV show “Walking Dead”, the streets are full of zombie-like creatures and my husband and I plan to join the party. Commentary and pictures to follow.